When I looked at the post that I wrote on January 1, 2011, exactly a year from today, I’m in awe… I read about mercy, I wrote about mercy. The Lord was preparing me for what was to come. I’ve learned a lot since then. I feel like this year was the year of thousand years. What I wrote about was being afraid of nothing changing, being afraid of crying over the same things and not moving forward. I can say with absolute confidence now, that everything has changed. It was a crises and process kind of a year, a year of healing, letting go and learning. So much learning. This year had to happen in order for other, better years to be able to come along. And also, after facing such difficulties, like being petrified of what was going to happen with my mom… it’s then I realized what is important in life and how the things I used to care about really don’t matter that much anymore.
I’m just going to admit it, I think this really has been the worst year that I’ve ever had in my 22 years of life. But, what I think that I’ve learned about this year is that I can’t just be the victim and just let all this stuff “happen” to me. I’m not saying that I believe that if you work hard enough or if you do all the right things life will fall into place, it doesn’t always. Sometimes the Lord has other plans for us, and it hurts, it may hurt like hell. But, what I am saying is that I want to try. I want to do things that make a difference, I want to work as hard as I can instead of letting myself go without discipline and then being disappointed at the result. I want to do things and I want to give the Lord ALL the glory and let life happen and let Him work!
The Lord was so with me through this year. Maybe sometimes I didn’t acknowledge it like I should have, maybe sometimes I was trying to succeed in my own strength (failing, of course). But, the Lord was so there with me, every single second. Every single lonely, heartbreaking second. And He healed me. I can’t even believe it, but I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, the Lord tells us that He is near to the brokenhearted! (Psalm 34:18) He was my strength and courage when He told me to “be brave. Be strong” (1 Corinthians 16:13) He didn’t expect me to do it alone, and I wasn’t. He never forsook me, just like He said, “I will never, never, no never, forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5)
Throughout all the changes this year, whether welcomed or unwelcomed, one thing that really hasn’t changed and will NEVER change is the promise of God’s mercy. I think that’s why He let me have that little foreshadowing at the beginning of last year… <3
So, I am still naïve enough to hope for a better year this year, one where I could reap the benefits of this awful healing year, I want to hope for like the best year EVER, but I’m also wise enough to know and understand that life is imperfect. I know the Lord still has lots to teach me, so all I can say is, “Thy will be done…” <3
(p.s. definitely thinking of getting that ^^^ as a tattoo this year, don’t tell my dad. HAHAH)
Happy New Years to one and all <3